Close Encounters of the Hentai Kind
by silrayn silverwolf
Summary: Oneshot ^^; Youji's POV on why Crawford doesn't use his gun on Aya... *implied yaoi, no explicit* a local color challenge fic.


  
  
  


  
**Title:** Close Encounters of the Hentai Kind   
**Disclaimers: **Weiß is not mine.   
**Warnings:** PG-13, ironically very little hentai just a lot of subtext   
**Spoilers:** First season of the anime.   
**Teaser:** Youji's take on why Crawford never uses his gun on Aya-kun… For the local color challenge…   
**Inspired by :** An article in a magazine about adventurous local motel rooms...*wolfy grins* and a newspaper article about a couple of peeping Toms who fell off a building and got sued to boot. I am sooooooooo evil. 

A colon (:) - denotes thought conversation. 

**Close Encounters of the Hentai-kind**   
WEIß KREUZ FANFICTION

I shifted in my seat rather uncomfortable in my leather pants. We had another encounter with Schwartz yesterday. The bruises still hurt but then appearances must be maintained. I have a reputation after all. I pushed my sunglasses up the bridge of my nose coolly surveying the room's lovelies for tonight's date. There's nothing like good female company to make one feel better. Besides, it could've been worse. What do expect when ordinary guys go against a fast-moving mindreader, a telekinetic, a procog and someone who feels no pain? Hey, it's another night in the night of the living and I'm going to make the best of it. I pushed myself off the bar to survey the room again, letting my green sheer top shimmer in the bar's colorful lighting. None of my regulars tonight… 

_: That's what you get for switching opponents with Abyssinian. :_ O--kay, now I have to deal with my friend across the way. I look around some more and sure enough, I see a certain orange haired telepath enter the bar through the darkened foyer. Today is so not my day. 

_: At least I didn't have to put up with your lewd comments. Fighting you ain't a bed of roses either, you know. : _I replied testily. I wasn't going to attack the man in a crowded bar nor was he going to attack me. We had established a truce when it came to our nightlife. If we saw each other in the bar, we more or less ignored each other. 

_: Heh, don't you like the love taps I gave you, Yotan? :_ The reply was accompanied by a mental leer but it was half-hearted at best. Schuldich was not stupid enough to try and court me, not when I'm straight and an enemy to boot. 

_: Damned right, Crawford would've fricasseed me, the hypocritical son of a bitch. :_ So he caught that thought interesting but I really must cut this conversation short. This is just too weird. 

_: Don't you have anything else to do tonight? : _

_: Why yes, but I sort of begged off. All I had to do was blink my baby blues at Crawford and he let me off for the night. Crawford's got a weakness for redheads, the redder the better, if you know what I mean. : _

I knew very well what he meant by that. I had to be blind, deaf and devoid of sense if I didn't notice how Crawford looked at Aya. You had to respect the man for being to fight even while salivating like dog over a bitch in heat. 

_: Aa. So he's got a weak spot for redheads, eh? : _That sort of explains it. All of it…including what happened in _that _mission… 

*** 

The mission had started normal enough with Manx coming in with the tape and all. The target a corrupt official who's been way too liberal with women, yada, yada, but with one difference… 

"You want me to do what!" Aya said rather loudly as if the number of words weren't enough. Abyssinian always counted them like a miser with coins. 

"We want you to cross dress. One of Endoso's victims was this young woman, Sakagami Kayoko, you can see that you could pass for her with a minimum of disguising. The man's in the embassy in a foreign country right now. We can't have him assassinated without causing international incident. We want you to lure him back to Japan to take care of 'loose ends' so to speak. You will have a guide since part of this mission will be in another country." 

To be fair, the woman that flirted through the photograph did uncannily like Aya. Black hair only a few inches longer than Abyssinian's, features of delicacy that looked prettier for the hair, and purple eyes glittered with mischief. Well that, was something Aya definitely needed to counterfeit. I've never seen a humorless a man as our Aya. 

"The starlet turned reporter? He sure chooses his victims with care." I whistled. The woman was well known for her daring interviews and exposes. 

"Hn." Aya glared at Manx. 

"How are you going to disguise Aya-kun's voice?" The ever-practical Omi asked as Aya looked relieved at this, there's no way one could mistake the redhead's deep voice for a woman's. Just too soon… 

"Sakagami was strangled, if she had survived, she would have no voice for six months at least." Manx replied, eyes glittering with unholy glee as the final jaws of her trap closing in on our poor unsuspecting leader. Always had an answer for every thing…that's our Manx… 

"Hn." Aya frowned darkly at the perky agent. I always thought that the woman had it in for our redhead leader besides being a yaoi freak that is. 

"You'll need help dressing so give me your measurements and I'll get you a wardrobe." Manx finished. 

"Aa." Aya managed to choke out and went on out to measure his particulars with a measuring tape. 

Everyone burst out laughing just as soon as we were reasonably sure that our volatile redhead was out of range. No one wanted to face Aya in indignant rage. 

*** 

"What a cutie, you turned out to be." I said as I looked over our leader. He looked mighty appealing in the demure midi pleated skirt and jacket of powder blue. Necessarily conservative to conceal his gender, the clothes still flattered his artificial female figure. He balanced himself so well on the high heels that I thought he might have a lot of practice._ Too much perhaps for just one mission?_

I think I'm in love…or at least I would be if Aya were really Sakagami-san. 

"Shut up, Kudou!" Aya was obviously uncomfortable under the stares so I turned my attention away from him to land on a drooling Ken-ken. 

"Oi, Ken-ken, yen for your thoughts." I said, mischievously whacking Ken on his back hard enough to knock him off the couch. I can just imagine just _what_ was going through his head. From the way his blue eyes had glazed over, I'd say that he could see Aya slowly strip-teasing the outfit off. Hey, I was doing Aya a service. Ken-ken's such a hentai sometimes. 

"None of your business." Ken said, stalking off. 

"What had gotten into him?" Omi asked, backed by an equally puzzled Aya. 

I just grinned and met Manx's dancing eyes over the low table. Oh, we understood each other very well. 

_This mission's going to be…very interesting… _

*** 

"These are our accommodations for our stay here in the Philippines. I'm next door, of course." Akechi Charina said. She was a petite half-Japanese woman with wide eyes of the natives but with the features of her Japanese father. She wore a tight low blouse and a short miniskirt, what was it about pretty Kritiker female agents and revealing clothes? They always shoot down flirting males, too. 

_What a waste… _

She showed us the two-room motel suite we were going to share for the duration. It was none too shabby but the waiting room was going to be a little crowded, considering that I had to share it with two other guys. Aya, the lucky guy, was going to have the bedroom all to himself in keeping with his disguise. The only relief from the sweltering heat was a small desk fan. 

Man, by the time we had stowed our belongings, we were sweating hard. Didn't Akechi-san say there was an air conditioner inside the bedroom? Lucky Aya. 

I could hardly contain my mirth when we looked into the bedroom. The design was on a simple rustic woodsy theme though it was considerably more sophisticated if you looked closer. The jacuzzi was situated on a second mini-floor atop of the bed and…is that for real? The floor of the fancy bath was made of thick but transparent glass. Whoohoo! Something tells me that this room was meant for more than sleeping. 

Kenken's eyes were fairly popping out of his head and an incipient nosebleed threatened. I always thought he had a thing for guys and from the way he was glancing at Aya, I'd say he's imagining what Aya was going to do in there. He'd better not try to peep while Aya's in the bath though… I'd bet Aya would take a katana to anyone who looked. 

"Would you like to share your room with me, sweet?" I asked Akechi-san. If her room was like this one… 

"No thanks, I'm an old-fashioned Filipina girl." She replied cheekily. She didn't let the fact that she lived in Japan with her expatriate mother and Japanese father stand in the way of her claim. 

"It's your loss." I gave her a flirtatious grin. 

"I'll live." She answered kicking me in the shins when I tried to lean on her. 

"So any questions before we settle in for some lunch?" 

"How long are we going to be staying here?" Ken asked, already I could see that he was getting a bit claustrophobic of the area. He's an outdoorsy sort and not too used to being closed in such a relatively small space. Heck, even our rooms back at the Koneko were bigger than this! 

"Four days, tops, if all goes according to plan. We're luring him to Japan for the assassination attempt and the party we plan to ambush him is two days from now. The particulars will be given tonight." 

"Are we going to get any time to ourselves? I want to sightsee…since we're already here." Omi said, bouncing a bit. His enthusiasm was catching, especially since it meant away from the close quarters of the room. 

"Some, but you guys have to follow my directions. By the way, how's you're English?" 

"I know some from school." Omi replied. 

"And you guys?" Everyone admitted to know a little English, though Aya seemed to be the most knowledgeable. Why doesn't that surprise me? 

"You guys better memorize this motel's name and address then. I'll catch hell if you guys get lost. Most of my countrymen can talk in English aside from the local dialects. In any case, I'll take good care of you so that hopefully that sort of thing won't happen." 

*** 

We had a picnic lunch by the bay then crossed the street to walk through some of the gardens in Luneta Park. The Japanese garden was nice though not as pretty or as large as the gardens at home. Omi and Ken chased each other and slid on the playground slides that were barely taller than they were. The climbed in a cement hippo while we stood to watch them. Then we strolled over to the miniature map of the entire country complete with mountains and all. It was made in a swimming pool so looked like a bird's eye view of the place. 

"And there lies the legendary Mt. Makiling…they say that a fairy lives there. In any case, it would be an interesting place to visit since it is known for it's deceptive trails. They can seem to go up when they're going down…And that is Siki Hor, the isle of black magic, where crime rate is zero…" Akechi-san babbled at them, pointing at certain landforms on the map and discussing them like a tour guide. 

"Can I try hopping on those tiny islands so that I can say that I've been all over the Philippines?" Omi interrupted. A very welcome thing it was too, I may like the sound of Akechi-san's voice but not when it was pontificating about social studies topics. 

"Absolutely not." Akechi-san said. It was obvious what she meant. The swimming pool was cordoned off from the rest of the park and was obviously only for seeing not touching. It would call too much attention to us if Omi went about breaking the park rules. 

"Awww." Omi pouted. We barely restrained him from trying anyway. We started to walk away dragging him with us. 

*** 

"How about if we ride one of those?" Omi said excitedly as he bounced on the sidewalk. He was pointing at a strange contraption. It looked like a jeep with some additional seating in the form of a welded addition to the body. 

"Oh those, those are jeepneys. Are you sure, Omi-kun? See the seats? They're only one long bench per side and the drivers cram them awfully." Akechi-san said. 

"Aa." Omi said, giving the Kritiker agent the puppy eyes. I knew she had lost the battle then. 

"Aa, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. When I tell you to clamber as fast as you can, they never wait for passengers. Aya goes first then me. Sit down as fast as you can or you fall down and hurt yourself. If anyone gets left behind, he should stay put till everyone else returns. Deal?" 

Everyone nodded heads apprehensively except for Omi who was bouncing about in anticipation. What were we getting ourselves into? Then, there was no time. Akechi-san waved her open palm at a reasonably empty vehicle stopped in front of us. 

"Go, go." Akechi-san said. Aya scrambled up precariously on his high heels. He was followed up by Akechi-san who scrambled up the back of the jeepney like a pro. I followed with both Ken and Omi fast behind me. It was good that they were for the jeepney started on a crawl not waiting even for us to get proper seats and we were left to scramble for what ever openings amongst the present passengers we could find. Luckily, there was a big one where everyone could squeeze in. 

"Miss Sakagami…" I heard Akechi-san hiss and looked up to see that my redheaded teammate was refusing to sit down. Curiously I looked around and saw our current seatmates and understood fairly well why… 

There, sitting oh-so-smugly on the bench, were Crawford and the rest of his minions and the only opening available to Aya beside the American. I can appreciate Aya's dilemma. But then, the jeepney lurched hard and Aya's already precarious balance was overturned he lurched forward then back, landing as the fickle fates would have it on the man he was trying to avoid. 

Crawford flung his hand forward and ended up groping Aya on the butt and hip. 

_Uh…oh…_

"Uy, chansing…" Said one male passenger. 

"Ummm, what did he say?" Omi asked curiously not understanding the language. It didn't sound English. 

"He was complimenting Crawford's ability to take advantage of the situation to grope a lovely lady." 

"Suerte, brod." Said another. 

"That one said…You're lucky, brother." 

Aya slapped Crawford on the face. Well since he couldn't talk or give his death-glare with the disguise on, I guess that was his only option. 

"Way to go, sister." 

The jeepney driver continued to accelerate without minding the antics of his passengers. 

_Was he deaf or something?_

"Miss Sakagami, it was quite an accident I assure you." Crawford said, suavely. It was evident that he didn't know who Aya really was. 

Aya allowed himself to be soothed and seated beside the precog, and soon the catcalls died down. He still glared at Crawford suspiciously every time the jeepney lurched particularly hard and pushed him against the American. 

"Manong*, five for Lawton." Akechi-san said handing the money over to Crawford. The precog passed it to the driver without blinking. Evidently, he was a man of the world and knew the mechanics of the place. 

Akechi-san was right about the driver cramming his passengers in. We were soon compressed as he took in more and more people rendering the space available on the two benches for everyone smaller. It would have been hotter if not for the jeepney's speed. I could see Aya fume as he was pressed onto Crawford. I confessed I rather enjoyed being pressed up against Akechi-san like that though she seemed to have this preternatural sense of knowing when the pressing was intentional and when it was the result of a particular lurch. Her glare was almost as deadly as Aya's. Curious, Aya didn't show any sign of being affected by Akechi-san being pushed up against him but then he was rather angry with Crawford during that time so... 

We got down the jeepney without incident but Akechi-san had to hold onto Aya firmly so that he wouldn't try to do such a foolhardy thing as to follow Schwartz. We had a target and a mission to accomplish after all and couldn't afford to draw attention to ourselves. 

*** 

_: Nope, Abyssinian definitely prefers guys. With those looks and the sister fixation…he's a shoe-in. :_

_: Stop, reading my mind! :_

_What was Schwartz doing there anyway? _

_: I wanted to try riding the jeepney, too. And Crawford… :_

_: …has a weakness for redheads… I know. That wasn't for public consumption. :_

_: You were thinking it so loudly… :_

_: Anyway, stop peeping and stay in your side of the dance floor. :_

*** 

We went back to the motel and got dressed for the night. We went to the party where we're supposed to go to lure Endoso back to Japan. 

*** 

The chandeliers glittered and the lights glazed over the silver trimmed white walls of the hotel function room. The air conditioner was blessedly cool after a day in the sweltering tropical heat. 

I walked casually with the rest of Weiß as we followed the "ladies". A pity I'd be posing as a bodyguard tonight since I did look striking in the white tuxedo. Confident and at ease, I knew I looked well enough to attract some high flying company and the women weren't so bad either allowing for gaijin looks. Most of them had the mixed looks of Westerners intermingling with the native look. They had golden brown skinned with round black or brown eyes and noses that weren't quite as sharp as the western gaijin. They weren't very tall either, mostly petite. There were also other Asians mingling in, some with wider eyes, some with brown hair. 

"Keep your eyes where they belong. You're suppose to be watching Aya, idiot!" Akechi-san scolded. She drew even with me, smirking like a fiend. 

"With all the lovely ladies in here? Why should I? Besides, Ken-ken's already doing enough of that." I grinned at her. Aya wore a balloon skirt of lavender and mauve organza, accented by sequins in floral designs. Billowing sleeves covered the muscles that might reveal Aya for what he was. Ken was still gazing at him with glazed eyes and a pole-axed expression. Yeuw! 

"Hmph, we're suppose to be here for a reason. Best you remember that." 

"Hai, anything for a lovely lady." I said trying to placate her. Gee, she seems to be so uptight for someone who looked out of a fashion magazine. She wore a sleeveless red choung fan with a sleek short skirt and red heels and her hair swept up in a neat half-pony tail. 

"Hush, here comes our fish." Show time. We all roused out of our preoccupations and turned attentions to what we should be doing. Both Ken and Omi, stood alert, the former watching Aya and target while the other skimmed the rest of the occupants of the room. Akechi-san went forward as secretary and translator to stand a step behind Aya. I hung back to enjoy the show. They bowed a bit to the target as fitting to a public official. 

Endoso came onto Aya, oozing over his shoulders and arms like a leech. His voice sounded so cloying, if one neglected the dark light in his eyes. It was plain to see that he wasn't pleased at their "employer's" presence and as curious as a cat about how Sakagami had survived. Then… 

"Endoso-san." Said a deep familiar voice and I groaned. Oh no, not you again… Things always became extra complicated when Schwartz turned up. They like weeds in your perfect garden. Hard to eradicate and harder still to keep from mischief… 

"Crawford, didn't I tell you to go off with the rest of Schwartz? Enjoy yourselves or something, hardly anything can happen in these affairs." Endoso chided, making sharp shooing motions with his hand. 

"But Takatori-san had expressed instructions…" 

I can almost smell the scorched cloth and flesh as Aya forgot his part and glared at Crawford. 

"You've met I take it." 

"Only very casually, Endoso-san." Crawford said. 

"Well then, shall we go." 

"Hai, Endoso-san." 

"Rest assured I will find out how you did your trick, lovely." The slimy official said, leaving with his bodyguard. 

*** 

The party dragged on awhile then we were back in our hot quarters and Akechi-san called Kritiker. 

"Good news guys, we definitely piqued him enough. We can all go back home." Everyone sighed at that. 

"What? Aren't you enjoying our infamous Filipino hospitality?" Akechi-san asked. She _is_ evil. 

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one sleeping in this stuffy room with three other guys." I retorted, in good-natured teasing though there was a bit of an edge in it. 

"Why don't you share the room with Aya then, or maybe Ken?" She winked. 

"Don't give the boy ideas that could get him killed." I replied for Ken since he was almost fainting with the image that invoked. We already intrude on him enough considering we go to his room to cool down, now and again. Aya was charmingly unaware and got up and left, he was never very sociable and I suspected that the crowded space and made him very uncomfortable. A few minutes after things went to hell. The Schwartz attacked. 

Schuldich took me on as usual. Farfarello and Ken dodged each other in the limited space while Omi's darts were being deflected by Nagi's telekinesis. Akechi-san was the surprise. She took out a couple of stilettos from somewhere and started to help Omi who was having a hard time in the small space. 

_Oh shit, where's Crawford…_

I barely had the time for thought since Schuldich tried to knife me in the ribs. Besides, the telepath was too close for me to use my wire effectively. I didn't know how long we had been fighting like that when I heard Aya's furious bellow. 

"Crawford, shi-ne!" I wondered what could prompt such a rage in our redhead leader when Crawford dashed passed with his pants slightly less than immaculate. A wet naked Aya appeared hot on his trail waving his katana like there were a dozen Takatori crime lords in the room. 

_My, he's better hung than me…_ I had only enough time for that one last thought before I snagged onto Aya to prevent him from running out in the nude. 

"Gaijin no hentai! Come back here so that I can turn you into mincemeat!" Aya shouted in an excess of rage. 

Ken was transfixed with a gushing nosebleed. It was a good thing that Farfarello was rather handicapped with a convulsing Schuldich on top of him. Schuldich seemed torn between amusement and appreciation of our redhead's--ah--attributes. From where I stood, I could see that Nagi himself was fighting from laughing out loud. Akechi-san and Omi were both speechless for very different reasons. Akechi-san was definitely drooling almost as badly as Ken while Omi was clearly astonished. 

"Oi, a little help here." A vigorously enraged Fujimiya Ran was hard to restrain. 

"Hai, Youji-kun." Omi replied, holding Aya's other arm. 

Ken revived enough to hold onto Aya's waist. 

"Let go of me! I'm going to skewer that pervert of an American!" 

"Aya-kun, calm down." 

"Yeah, Aya, calm down. At least get some clothes first before running out." I said reasonably. 

"But that…that hentai…" Aya sputtered. 

"Yeah, we'll take care of that hentai when you've gotten some clothes on." Ken added which made me nearly laugh out loud. 

_You're a fine one to talk Kenken…_

Ken's grip around the redhead's waist was closer to a glomp and his hands took the opportunity to wander around the enraged man's well-muscled torso. This brought Schuldich into new paroxysms of laughter. I rolled my eyes. 

_Yeah, right, Ken's such a devious character…and you'd never knew it. It takes one to know one, eh? _

I can't understand how Aya could recognize Crawford's hentai-ness when he couldn't get Ken-ken's which is quite closer to home. When it was evident that Crawford wasn't coming back any time soon, Nagi dragged the surprised Farfarello and the German laughing hyena out the door. 

"Besides, we have more things to worry about. Isn't this going to break our cover?" Akechi-san asked finally recovering out of her admiring daze. This was enough to quell even Aya. 

We all groaned. 

_Oh hell, all this effort for nothing… _

But it didn't, Endoso went on to follow 'Sakagami' home to Japan and was assassinated by us. I guess Crawford was too embarrassed to let it slip. 

*** 

From then on though, Crawford seemed to take more chances in fighting our Aya. He gave the term 'close encounters' another meaning. Groping close was more like it. He and Ken-ken should get together and compare notes. They're two hentai of a kind. Aya came to notice this. Since he could hardly avoid the precog, he had taken to switching partners with other Weiß members with mixed success. 

I bet Aya didn't get any bruises from those encounters. Kenken's gotten a fractured rib at least once when Crawford used the butt of his gun. Gods, the marvels of what sexual frustration can do to a man's control. I can't understand why Aya didn't try to take advantage of the situation. Schwartz would certainly be easier on us if he did. But then, who wanted to be manhandled by someone who's almost a stranger and worse an enemy and a peeping pervert to boot? 

_: What's not to drool over? He does have a great bod you know… : _With the thought the German hentai sent me a glimpse of what Crawford had seen. A flash of white muscled flesh pirouetted through the water effortlessly. Muscles shifting like a song floating suspended in the water. 

_: Is being a pervert a requirement to join Schwartz?_ : 

_: No, 'cause if it were, you'd be Schwartz too. By the way, Crawford wanted me to find out. Is Abyssinian going out with someone? Ken-ken perhaps? :_

_: Not that I know of, but you should know that yourself. :_

_: Natch, it's harder to try reading Aya-kun, he keeps secrets even from himself. :_

_: Why does Crawford like redheads anyway? _: I asked, curiously. 

_: No reason, it's like some people hate broccoli, personal preference I guess. Or should I say good taste? :_

_: You wish. :_ I retorted before pushing myself away from the bar to dance with the sexy brunette I had been looking over. It was time to end this strange conversation. It was as if I was going to take his advice. Aya was my friend, after all, and had the right to be protected from perverted enemies, no matter what his sexual orientation was. 

:_ Don't say I didn't warn you about staying out of Crawford's way. Heh, goodbye for now, Balinese. :_ Schuldich smirked as he led a brown haired man off the dance floor and out the door. 

I danced the night away then decided to retire alone though the brunette I had been dancing with was more than amenable to going along for a bit more horizontal type of dancing. My bruises still hurt and thought more of soaking them in a hot bath. 

_Note to self: Get some bruise ointment. It looks like we're in for a long seige…_

Frankly, I would tell the rest of my teammates if I didn't have a strong sense of self-preservation. Aya would kill me for it, I suspect. Besides I don't want to end up being the one used as a punching bag. 

**~Owari~**

  


**Author's Notes:**

*Manong - means something like Mister. 

*This thing might have sequel or something called "Your Ivory Tower" which is a more poetic piece or so I hope. It will tackle Crawford's feelings on the subject. I think I made Brad there a poet!   


  



End file.
